today is a mix of emotions. i didn't wanna go to school. i had to choose between a class farewell, hockey training or visiting a friend in hospital. i was shaken badly when i found out she went to hospital, cos i knew that i had seen it coming, but as a weatherman, i can't change things around me.. yet i didn't even warn her. i saw her crumble before me and i knew not what to do but weep in anguish and sadness for not being able to prevent such a thing. i cried on the bus to school.. if that wasn't bad enough, i had to rush all my work. the weekend had been nothing more than a mad rush and trying to catch up with the piles of work in front of me. i struggle to understand how to cope without having to be told that i am below average and i have to drop something. i have a feeling that i have my priorities all wrong and that i must have sometime to sort this BIG mess out. i find weekends a comfort to be with God again. i know i forsake Him during the week, and saturdays remind me that i got to get down on earth. yet i am angered when i get so distracted and drift so far from him. i feel totally wrong everyday... was upset with myself today. i couldn't get anything done right.was so blur and tired that i was drifting during lessons, falling asleep and being tempted to draw lines. ): well, i wouldn't cos someone took my sharp stuff. anyway.. i got 'scolded' by my history tutor for handing in lousy work. cos my handwriting was small and i couldn't fill 3 pages. dumb. so had to stay in school and do the outline all over again. was late for training. hockey seniors playing against acjc friendly match. hairin was like "ok. be there beofre 545." in such a stern voice. :\ oh wells. and i couldn't visit her le. ): so training was ok. my coach asked the goalie to let one goal in. dots. the team upset about that. went home and i feel so tired. ): as usual. hope i can prepare bsand study for the upcoming tests. with training 4 times a week. i gotta rush. see ya. lets pray soon k? -yen.